trust

How is your relationship with trust? And to answer that question, you need to go back to your past, your childhood, your foundation. Did you trust your parents? Did they always do the things they told you they were going to do? And if not, did they apologize for it, rather than brushing it off or pretending they never said it? Did you feel trusted by them — in your decisions, your emotions, your right to take up space, to be seen, heard, and recognized as an individual with your own personality, rather than an extension of your parents?

Trust is intimate. It says more about your relationship with your primary foundation than about you. And of course, with trust comes vulnerability, and receiving, and walking — sometimes wandering — but knowing that everything will end up well, and not focusing on what isn't going well, just having faith. Sometimes we turn to religion or community to find that trust somewhere else, and I'm not saying that's impossible, but I really believe the first trust has to be with your roots. I see it with my adopted clients — it's harder for them. I also see it with clients coming from broken families, abusive ones, or families where a parent was always criticizing, always thinking they knew better. It fragilizes the adult self. They question themselves more, wondering: why am I feeling this emotion? This feeling?

Trust in ourselves will always bring us somewhere — it puts us in full life mode, not just survival mode. Because for me, if you're surviving, you're not trusting. You're not free. You're battling inner and outer conflicts to keep yourself in that position of not trusting. And then there's trust in others — opening your heart, speaking your truth, not knowing how it will be received, but still going there. "Trusting you with my heart" is a strong statement, because yes, there's trust toward the person you love, but you need to trust yourself first and foremost. You're the one in charge of finding that balance between what you're giving, receiving, and protecting.

Trust can also look like no longer speaking to your parents, quitting a well-paid job, or divorcing the "perfect match." Trust is not blind. Trust is not giving your heart away to a predator and hoping for the best — that's why you need to trust your instinct first, your gut reaction. Trust isn't about unicorns and fairies; it's knowing that if I trust myself first, I'll be okay. Trust isn't naivety — it's quite the opposite. It's the inner strength to say: I will open my door, but I will also trust myself if I want to close that door. It's people who don't trust themselves who leave the door wide open, and end up surrounded by too much toxicity, abuse, or anything else they don't actually want in their life.

With love,
Marine Sélénée