Not all men

Another scandal. Another rape. Another woman whose life has been shattered.

And one question keeps me up: how did these young men come to believe that sending a message offering an unconscious woman for sex was normal?

Look at who we hold up. Actors, politicians, celebrities: deviant behavior, again and again, forgiven. The lesson boys absorb is clear. As a man, you'll always land somewhere. Women never get that grace.

But today I want to look inside, at the family system.

They say if you want to know a man, watch how he treats his mother, the first woman in his life. My father's relationship with his mother was cold and distant. He said it himself: there was no love. How do you build a happy marriage and raise children from that starting point? It's almost impossible.

We repeat what we never saw done differently. We try to repair what was never repaired.

I don't know who raised these young men. But in my work, two patterns come up again and again. A boy who watched his father being diminished  and/or emasculated by his mother, and who unconsciously wants revenge on the feminine. Or a boy who watched his father treat his mother like nothing, through cheating, emotional abuse, or complete absence.

These boys weren't born predators. They weren't born cruel, or stupid. Something in their childhood taught them that drugging a friend and inviting men to "free sex" was okay.

This excuses nothing. They are responsible for what they did. But if we want it to stop, we have to look at where it starts.

We keep saying "protect your daughters." It's time to raise our sons.

Respect your mothers, your sisters, your wives, the mothers of your children. From a very young age, children replicate what happens in the couple. If you scream at each other, they will scream. If you swallow your anger, they will carry it. Your children mirror what is living in your home right now.

So this post is for the parents. Look at your relationships. Look at your behavior. Ask yourself what you truly want to pass on.

Because it is unbearable that every single day brings another story of a woman destroyed, because some men believe our bodies exist for them.

Not all men. But far too many.

With love,
Marine Sélénée