mommy’s issue

My relationship with my father has always been more difficult and complex than the one I have with my mother. And even though my mother is my person—the woman who raised me, cared for me, and never failed me—we still had our small bumps along the way. There are always some daddy and mommy issues, simply because that’s where we first learn how to relate, how to love, and how to protect ourselves.

For example, my mother always emphasized the importance of being financially independent. And while I would tell her, with complete conviction, that I’d get married at 23 (which I did!), have seven children, two dogs, and take care of my husband… life didn’t unfold that way. I pursued my career, yet carried a strong desire to be with a man—a strong man—because the pattern in my family has always been strong women marrying weak men, and I was determined to break that cycle.

My mother had me at 24, and unfortunately she struggled with postpartum depression—something that, at the time, was rarely talked about and often suffered in silence. She believes that this is where my emotional sensitivity comes from.

Growing up, my mother was also in denial about my father. The truth is, we were scared of him. Later in life, she told me she hadn’t fully understood how frightened my brother and I were by his intensity, and she apologized for that.

My mother did everything on her own. She was married, but she parented like a single mother—a reality that was, sadly, very common in the 80s and 90s.

She built a brilliant career as an attorney, earned enormous respect, and on top of that she is stunningly beautiful. Because we look so much alike, people constantly compared us—asking if she was my sister or assuming I’d follow her path and take over her firm. It always bothered me; it’s hard to find your own space when your mother naturally takes center stage everywhere she goes.

Both my parents are incredibly intelligent and deeply cultured, and my brother and I often felt like imposters—like we were never quite enough. We each coped with that in our own ways.

The biggest conflict I ever had with my mother was because of her second husband. I hated him from the beginning. Something in me knew, almost instinctively, that he was no good. He nearly broke our family, and I couldn’t understand how my mother stayed with him—but she had her own healing journey to go through. Eventually, she found her way out of that relationship, and when she did, we came back together stronger, more honest, and more vulnerable than before.

My mother is a Sagittarius woman—so you’d expect her to be the strongest—but today I see things differently. As her Cancer daughter, I know I will forever and fearlessly protect her. Her heart is so big that she doesn’t easily see the bad in people. Thankfully, she also has a Scorpio son, so between the two of us, we pay attention.

And when I chose to study Family Constellations and Endobiogeny, she supported me wholeheartedly, even when she was scared for me. The same goes for my love life—she is always there. Yes, there were times she looked away, but it wasn’t against me; it was her own pain and her own patterns. What I’ve learned these last few years is that I don’t only see her as my mother anymore—I also see her as a woman. And loving her from that perspective has deepened our connection even more.

With love,
Marine Sélénée