hopeless love lasts longer
"Hopeless Love lasts longer. We spin a fantasy around it, knowing it’s already over while trying to hold on to the last crumbs, just to see whether anything can still be saved. Hopeful love may be shorter, but it is fully alive." Marine Selenee
I don’t believe in love anymore. I keep thinking I should have trusted him/her. I feel like I hate love — never again. And yet it goes on…
When I’m interviewed and asked, “What is the main theme of your practice?” the answer is always the same: Love.
Love in all shapes and forms. Love governs everything. It has such power over all of us.
We want to be loved. We want love. We want to understand it, define it, hold it.
There are as many forms of love as there are people on this planet: the silent love, the secret love, the abusive love, the co-dependent love, the forced love, the forbidden love, the true love, the love that hurts, the love that makes you grow, the love that asks you to let go.
I love Maya Angelou’s idea of choosing to love one more time — because no matter the pain or the broken heart, we still believe in love. We still want love, at any age.
Choosing love is choosing life. And where does it begin? With the mother, and then the father — but primarily with the mother, in that unbreakable early bond between mother and child.
How did you feel loved by your mother? Not enough? Too much? Look now at your relationships with men and women. So often we repeat the same dynamics, or we run in the opposite direction to avoid them:
the helicopter mother → running from closeness or commitment
a parent who asked too much → fear of relationships that require emotional presence
an emotionally shut-down father → repeatedly choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable
abandonment in childhood → recreating abandonment in adult relationships
We repeat what needs to be healed.
If you look closely at your love life, you may see that at first it serves to heal your relationship with your parents. Only after that work can you truly access real love — the kind where both partners bring their baggage, but don’t expect the other to fix it. Your partner is not a substitute for a parent and cannot be the solution to wounds that began long before them.
On your own, you learn to regulate your emotions, choose yourself, and communicate your needs. So many breakups or periods of silence come simply from two different perceptions — two people unable to articulate their feelings. And again we can ask: were you seen and heard as a child when you tried to express yourself?
It always comes back to childhood — to the relationships between the adults in your family system.
From there, you get to define your own love life: your rules, your needs, your way of being in love. That is the true beauty of relationship — creating a new form of love together, growing and blossoming with it.
And if you’re struggling with love, with your childhood, or with your parents, I’m here. Let’s work on it together.
With love,
Marine Sélénée