How to Communicate When It’s Really Your Inner Children Talking

Sometimes, in a relationship, it’s not two adults talking — it’s two inner children, both wounded, both desperate to be seen, heard, and right. And in that moment, nothing moves forward. You're not resolving anything — you're just reacting.

We often enter relationships not just for love, but to unconsciously finish unfinished emotional business with our parents. It’s wild when you realize it. Eye-opening, painful — even explosive. But instead of asking, “Why are you screaming?” ask, “What’s behind that scream?”

Why are you running away? What fear or memory lives underneath that reaction?

Why the insults? What’s hiding beneath them?

Usually, it’s pain. Old pain. Your own hurt, bottled up for years, now spilling out in ways that look like anger, but are really silent cries for recognition:
“Look at me! See me! I’m suffering!”

But rather than expressing this pain with understanding and kindness, we lash out. We scream, not as adults, but as the wounded children we once were — and sometimes still are.

Relationships aren’t a tennis match. You’re not on opposing teams. You’re in this together. You win or lose as one.

So listen. Really listen — not just to respond or interrupt, but to understand. Because if you’re only waiting for your turn to speak, what you’re really saying is:
“I don’t care what you’re feeling. I just want to be right.”

But relationships aren’t about being right or wrong — they’re about being connected.

So choose happiness over ego. Choose love over the need to win. And if you truly want happiness, let it be with them — not against them.

With love,
Marine Sélénée