June 30, 2020

Which stories did you inherit from your family? 
Which stories did you become addicted to? 
Which stories have you been feeding with your fears? 
Which stories have you been repeating? 
Which stories belong to you? 

We are all part of a story, our family story. 

As an adult, our role is to take the best from it and then, write our own story. But, how many of us are really living our own adventure? How many of us have been repeating the same story, dynamic or pattern – consciously or unconsciously? How many of us are feeling stuck in a story that never made sense to them? 

After eight years of practice and hearing a lot of different stories, I do know I’m not the only one, who at some point, got caught in the cobweb of my family. Desperately trying to find a way out, but also that strong desire of belonging to my family. 

It all starts there: Belonging. 

Born in a new family, our first goal is to belong, it’s to matter to our family, to be essential to its mechanism – whatever it takes and whatever it costs. Even though it means to forget about our own destiny and repeat the behavior of one of our family members or a few of them, to have the same passion as our father, to become an addict as our grandmother, to develop eating disorders or to create the same dynamic at the same age, we will always find a way to belong. 

And, with unconscious loyalty, we will make their stories, ours. And, this is the beginning of a vicious cycle. We will fight against them, we will heal from them, we will release them, we will laugh at them but, at the end, we will never be free of them. For the simple reason that, at first, they did not belong to our own life. And, despite our best effort of wanting to help our family, we will always get a taste of “powerlessness”.

Now, the other question (That I get a lot!) so “What do I do?” 

For your family, nothing. 

For you, everything. 

And, it starts by honoring your life. Honoring your fate will create a new momentum in your family, the momentum of “Moving on”. 

There is only one right way in Life, and it’s moving forward not backward. 

You will lead by example and then, at that moment, maybe your family will follow you. But, do not expect the opposite. The opposite being “Let me heal you mom and then, I will take care of myself.” No, it’s because you will take care of yourself that your relationship with your mother might change. 

By accepting the gift of Life that your parents gave to you, you will be able to move on and so write your own story. Your parents do not want you to imitate or reproduce the same patterns or stories over and over again. And, yes, maybe they never encouraged you to follow your own destiny but, deep down this is what they want. They just don’t know how to express it, and again it’s okay. We are all doing our best with our own stories and if we finally start seeing the person as he or she is, accepting and respecting her/him, we will create a new dynamic. 

In my family, we did pass on a few stories and fake beliefs. For example, Women are strong, and Men are weak. We need to choose between being successful in our career or happy in our marriage. Men are violent. Men are absent. Women are bossy. Be independent my daughter and never count on a man to take care of you. Mother and Son have anger towards each other. And, the list goes on. 

But I also got other great stories that I will pass on to my children, my grandmother taught me to talk to flowers and pay attention to signs. My mother made me believe in my worth. My father gave me the sensitivity to always wonder and be curious to dive more into a subject. My parents gave me the happiness of reading books, going to museums and good restaurants. My family gave me the freedom to do whatever I want but take full responsibility for my actions. 

My family is the one that I chose. And, on their behalf I’ve been working on Love and reconciling it within our family. It has been a great challenge to ask for both a career and a soulmate love but I’ve never given up on that story that I wanted to write. 

I believe that we can have everything, it’s just our attention will be more focused on one aspect of our life, depending on the year but we make choices and decisions. 

And, this year the story that I’ve been focusing on is my Love life. And, it was time to write my own perception about it. Breaking free from what I got from my family and making it mine. 

It’s your turn, your story is waiting for you. You have the choice to keep following a destiny that is on behalf of one your family members or finally be part of the story that you want to experience to the fullest. 

If 2020 taught me something so far, it’s actually to take the reins of our destiny and trust that everything will unfold on time. 

So, why not take a pen, buy a new journal and start writing the story that you want to make your own reality? 

Marine Selenee