A few weeks ago, hundreds of women in my native country France wrote a manifest, “The right of being bothered”. Bothered by whom? Men.
For a year now, so many manifestations, conferences and new movements have seen the light of day. Of course, we need to be precautious in our words and not condemn all of the human beings that are men. However, I do think it’s time to raise our voices and finally get a solid and strong foundation for our rights. Because every time there is a new government, a new crisis, women are in danger. Our rights are reconsidered. Our bodies are questioned. Our freedom is challenged.
I understand that it is pleasant to be flirty with a man, to be wooed. The game of seduction is always a beautiful moment as long as the two protagonists share and consent to it.
I’m not saying that men should stop flattering us, but sometimes it is too much. Sometimes, we politely say ‘no’ and despite this some men can still push the conversation and even becoming aggressive, which can unfortunately lead to sexual abuse or cuss words.
I don’t want to be bothered all the time because I’m not an open service. Sometimes, I don’t want to talk and it’s not only to men, I just don’t want to get involved in a conversation and I don’t think I have to justify myself more than a polite “Thank you but I want to be on my own.”
The problem here is having the freedom to choose. Through their manifest, women should just shut up because a man is paying attention to them. Holy cow! I don’t need a look from a man to feel that I do matter and exist. I do matter and exist through my own look and then I have the right to decide for myself. My body belongs to me and I don’t need to open my legs every time I feel adulated by a man.
I have many clients who were raped or sexually abused. Half of them were with men that they trusted, they just wanted to have a nice moment, but the man in front of them wanting something more and the frustration of understanding that they may not have sex, pushed them in their shadow-ish corners and made them commit the irreparable act of forcing someone to have sex.
Those women are not only broken because they felt violated but because they felt that they did not matter, they did not have a voice and no matter what they were saying that man took advantage of his strength over them.
It’s a feeling of powerlessness. It’s a feeling of what did I do wrong. It’s a feeling of trying to understand why they attracted that occurrence. It’s a re-assessment that can haunt them for their rest of their lives. And at the end, they can even think that they deserved it and it was their fault.
So, this is why I strongly disagree with being annoyed when I don’t want to. Because, regrettably, some men will take advantage of that manifest and claim that women love that, being punished and treated as an object.
Of course, with love and respect, you can have your own practice of sexuality, everyone is free to experiment pleasure as he or she wants but keep in mind, sexuality is between people that consent to it.
What about the right of being Loved and Respected? What about celebrating healthy and lovely relationships? What about emphasizing couples that love and respect each other?
Because the last thing that I’d want to happen is a gap between women and men where both of genders will be afraid to talk to each other.
So, let’s work all together, let’s raise our children with strong values and respect toward each other and let’s celebrate Love.