Rites of personal transition

June 1, 2019

Life is a succession of rites and ceremonies. 

The first and most important one being our birth – the transition from the womb to the light. 

It will be followed by a lot of ‘first’ as the first steps, the first teeth, the first words, the first day at school, the first kiss, the first period, the first break up, the first fight, the first decision and so on… 

So many firsts that will for sure play an important role in our life and how that later will be influenced by the experience of all of them. 

All of those new steps should be moments of joy and celebration. However, sometimes those moments can feel pretty lonely when we don’t feel supported and understood and, unfortunately, the taste that we will keep in mind will be bitter. 

Bitterness about life and change. 

How can we possibly move on when we resent Life? 

We can’t. 

And, this is what I’ve been witnessing through my practice as a Family Constellations therapist. Bitterness and resentment are two walls that separate us from reaching out to Life and its beauty. They keep us in the past while the present moment is unfolding in front of our eyes. We want to be part of it. However, there is a stronger self that still wants to stay stuck in the “what does not exist anymore” – just in case, it’d get resolved. 

Again, nothing can get resolved in the past. It’s not the order. If you are in that commitment of healing your past, you need to be fully grounded in your present moment, where your power is. 

The present can heal the past not the opposite. 

And, doing a ceremony can tremendously help that move – bringing you back in the present moment. 

For example, if you experienced a trauma at one specific age or several ones, you can talk to your younger self and ask him/her to join you now in your actual self. 

Healing Sentences: To my X year old self, I see you, I hear you and I recognize you. I recognize your pain. Thanks to your courage, I’m stronger now. I can take care of you. I’m not going anywhere without you. Please, lean on me. Trust me. I’m here for you. You’re not on your own anymore. I will protect you. 

Reminder: The adult self is the shelter for the younger self. You’re the shelter of your inner child. 

Another example, if your relationship/marriage/friendship is coming to an end, you can do it with a lot of compassion and love. 

Healing sentences: To my X, thank you for our relationship. I gladly receive what you gave me. And, I will always honor what we’ve built/created together. I wish you the best. Thank you. 

And, when you lose someone. 

Healing sentences: To my X, by honoring and taking care of my life I will honor yours. One day, we will meet again but for now, I will stay here while you go there. Thank you. 

While saying those affirmations, you can light up a candle or plant a tree. 

You can also create a symbolical act with a box and place in that box anything that reminds you of the relationship or trauma. You can write words on different pieces of paper that you want to let go of.  You can get figurines and/or objects. You can also create different layers in that box, the bottom represent the past and then place a tissue and it will represent the present and even another tissue that will represent the future and again what you want to manifest or attract. 

You can also send letters to an imaginary address or one that is meaningful to you. 

So many things can be done in order to move on and the different tribes in our world can teach us a lot. 

I do think that in order to create a new beginning, we always need a closure. 

Closure does not mean break up. It just means that a relationship/period is over and now you are ready for a new one. 

If you’ve been feeling drained in one of your relationships, maybe it’s time to close that chapter and write a new one with your partner/friend or on your own. 

Remember, to talk and to express your feelings toward the concerned person. Most of the time, we want the same thing but we are too focused on our own pain and we forget to see the other one. 

The real ceremony will begin where the formal one ends. When we take up a new way, our minds and hearts filled with the vision of earth that holds us within it, in compassionate relationship to and with our world.

You have to deeply feel it. You have to connect with it. It has to make sense. 

Finding a meaning and a sense for your life is a gift. When you finally find it, please take care of it. That flame is yours and will be forever yours. 

Don’t be afraid of closing up chapters and opening new ones. Don’t be afraid of overcoming a difficult period. Don’t be afraid of enjoying a lovely moment. 

Be in the moment. Be in the given moment. And, fully take it. 

Marine Selenee