Honor. Bow. Smile.

April 30, 2019

In a lot of countries, the month of May is a month of celebration.

We celebrate our victories, our soldiers and our mothers – we celebrate Life.

We celebrate the rainbow after the storm. We celebrate reunions. We celebrate Love over fear. We celebrate hope after despair.

This is the movement, the order, commemorating the light after the twilight, Life after death, Peace after fight – acknowledging that they cannot live without each other, that there is a need to find the balance between all of them.

Do you understand the purpose of the two of them?

Are you in complete acceptance of your light and shadow?

Are you still fighting against one of them?

Do you have that balance?

In Family Constellations therapy, we acknowledge everyone. We also recognize any events, joyful or traumatic, it does not matter, each event has its place in the family system. This is how we prevent the future generation from not taking care of it.

The power of recognition is life changing.

Everyone needs to be heard.

Everyone needs to be seen.

Everyone needs to have a place – sense of belonging.

Everyone needs to be recognized.

When this happens, there is peace and the flow of life can take back its place. And, everyone in the family can focus on his own destiny while respecting and accepting the destiny of each other’s. There is no need to ‘stay’ with the estranged one, dead one, disable one, crazy one, and anyone who had / has a hard fate. There is no need to self-sabotage your own life in the name of loyalty.

Everyone matters. Everyone is special. Everyone is unique. Everyone has a purpose. And, that purpose has to be respected.

A lot of time, I meet people who are addicted to their story, their past and/or their wounds. They only identify themselves as victims. They want to be seen through their sufferings. This is how they think they can be accepted and excused.

Excused of their meanness, violence, poverty, abuse and so on.

I repeat, no matter what your circumstances were or are they do not define you. Every day, you can change. You can make a move toward Love. Of course, it might be easier for someone who is part of a lovely family but yet; the one coming from an abusive family still deserves to be happy.

Same thing with ‘staying’ with the deceased, how many times I meet new clients that are physically present but meantime absent. A lot. They thought they had to stay with a sibling that died at a young age or a parent that left too early and now after years and years, they are still stuck in that in between.

May I live?

Should I die?

Am I guilty?

Is it my fault?

We think that by remaining with our deceased, we honor them. It’s actually the opposite.

By not letting them go, you trap them and you trap yourself. Being in between and not knowing in which world you belong may have dramatic circumstances on your life as somatization, disease, loss of money, sabotage and so on.

Go back to your world. Take care of your grief. Honor them. Bow. And, smile again.

Because no matter what life will always continue. Life will always win. Choose to win. Choose to be alive.

They don’t want us to stay with them. It’s not our place. It’s not the order. You want to honor your deceased? Celebrate Life. Celebrate your life. Celebrate the gift of life that you received from your parents. It is the best way to show respect.

The month of May is a reminder that we are alive and that life is precious.

Life is a choice that we make every day.

Do I want to celebrate Life today?

Do I want to complain about it?

Does life happen for or against me?

Every day, you set up the rhythm, the dance between you and Life.

So, this month celebrate your mother and especially, the gift of Life that she gave you. At the moment of your conception, she believed (and your father too) in Life. Never stop believing in it.

Life is beautiful.

Marine Sélénée