Fates & Destinies

February 1, 2020

“Our fates are where we came from, our destinies are where we are going.” Marine Sélénée 

Last September, after moving to Beacon, my best friend committed suicide. It was completely unexpected and when we finally learned what happened, we knew that he did not really think about it and just at that moment thought it was the best solution. His death deeply shook me. 

Suicide is often disguised and hidden by the family. It is seen as a shame. The family feels powerless and guilty of the situation. As if, they could’ve done something different to change the outcome. But, most of the time, unfortunately, when someone decides to commit suicide, it will happen. 

Respecting the destiny of each other in the family system is very important. It is a form of respect. There is that beautiful affirmation: “I trust you. I trust your destiny.” that you can practice if you would like. 

We all have our own destiny and so we have the choice to do whatever we want with it. Even if it includes addictions, suicide or unhealthy choices. It is hard to see someone suffering, especially when we deeply care about that person, but besides telling that person that we are here for her / him, there is nothing much that we can be responsible for. 

We can definitely have compassion rather than pity or sympathy which, most of the time, hides a judgment behind it. Judgment is vicious, it always implies that someone is doing better than the other one. Which is untrue. We are just living two different experiences and my experience is not better or worse than yours, it’s just different. 

So, what to do when we have to face the unacceptable? When we only want to scream and cry? When we are left with no clues of what happened? When we feel powerless? 

Nothing much. It will hurt but it shall pass. And, Life always wins. 

In Family Constellations, we acknowledge, we recognize, we mourn, and we surrender. 

We are not here to live the unfinished life of someone else. We are not here to heal someone else’s wounds. We are not here to be torn between what was and what is waiting for us. 

The only right way is the one forward. Looking at your destiny and taking care of it. 

By honoring your life, you will honor others and so you will give them the strength to stand up behind you. 

Marine Sélénée