I don’t have children yet. I don’t know the frustration of wanting a baby and, unfortunately, Mother Nature is not cooperating. I don’t know the pain of having a miscarriage after a really intense medical treatment. I don’t know the struggles that you have with your husband. I don’t know the hate and reproach that you can have toward your body.
But, what I do know is the look in your eyes, that pain and incomprehension that you carry on your face and that heartbreaking question: “What do I do wrong?”
The past year, I had the honor to work with a few women who were trying to get pregnant. Out of four of my clients, three got pregnant and already welcomed their baby or they soon will be. One of them, however, has not had that chance yet.
The common link between all of those brave women was to push the limits of their body and what they could endure in order to have a baby.
My question as a woman is, “Is it worth it?” The relationship with your husband may suffer because of it, your body may go through difficult times and your mind may run crazy at some point. All of those women follow the protocol, count the day when they can have sex , take supplements to make their body more powerful, spend their entire savings account on something that may never work.
It is courageous and brave but it can also destroy you. Our society wants women to believe that we are not complete until we give birth. I think it’s a personal choice and there is also adoption. Being a mother is so much more than pushing for 13 hours!
So, if it’s been a few years and you also have done therapeutic work where you were able to clear up anything that may affect the process of naturally becoming a mom, maybe it’s time to stop. Maybe it’s time to reconnect with your body and just get back to a normal life where you have sex whenever you want, where pleasure is part of your life and maybe one day, Mother Nature will do the job and a beautiful baby will be there or maybe you will adopt a baby / child who needs you.
As anything in life, it is important to recognize when we are resistant. It is never easy, especially regarding such a sensitive subject, but to all of the women who have been struggling with pregnancy and motherhood, there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect as you are and I’m sure there is enough Love for finding another solution.
Remember to be a mother for yourself at first.
PS: After one year of trying, one of my best friends had to face a difficult truth, the sperm of her husband is ‘weak’ so it may be difficult for them to conceive naturally. What she wrote me the day they had their appointment at the doctor was such an inspiration that I wanted to share it with you too.
“We have our appointment with doctor today. I don’t know why Marine, but I have almost zero desire for either one of us to dedicate our time and energy to fertility treatments. I think I’d almost rather just start the adoption process and then just keep having sex as usual with no protection – there is a big part of me that thinks if we are meant to conceive ‘naturally’ we will when the timing is right, if we aren’t meant to then we won’t. I don’t know that I want to force it with fertility treatments.”
Thank you – “I just wanted to let you know that I saw your post on Instagram and it really resonated tonight. With thanks to you, we conceived, and had a beautiful baby girl in November. Your post really spoke to me, and I wanted to reach out and thank you.”