February 22, 2019

“I am here because my mother needs help but she does not want to see a therapist. Do you mind giving me some advice for her?” 

“I am here because my wife asked me to see someone.” 

“I am here because my child is really difficult right now so I’d love to get some tips in order to calm her down.” 

“I am here because my parents are two F****** selfish persons and I don’t know how to stop thinking of them.” 

“I am here because I still feel overwhelmed by my family even though I moved across the country to get away from all of them.” 

“I am here to change, otherwise my partner is going to leave me.” 

Naturally, it’s not all the time that my clients book a session to talk about someone else. However, it’s pretty usual at first, to talk about another person and then finally go back to their own focus. 

It takes courage to work on us. It takes courage to put everything on the table and start from scratch. It takes courage to show up once a week or a few times a month to our therapist’s office while we could do something else. It takes courage to be happy. It takes courage to be responsible for our life. 

And, sometimes it’s easier to start talking about our mother, father, one of our siblings or even one of our co-workers first, because the pain and misunderstanding are more manageable. It creates a ‘safe’ distance between our wounds and present moment. It’s less vulnerable, it’s less delicate, it’s less painful and, at some point, we will start talking about our own pain and so emotions. 

For that reason, it’s always important to acknowledge that right now, the client is behind the mountain that he is talking about and soon, when he will be done climbing that one, he will be ready to enter the ‘forest’ of his heart. 

Do you talk more about the mountain hiding the forest? 

Meaning, do you talk more about people’s emotions than yours? 

Meaning, do you hide behind a person? An environment? A situation?

Like we used to hide behind mom’s legs when we were afraid? 

We all do that – moving the problem on someone else’s shoulders – blaming someone else – judging someone else’s behavior – while actually they are only a projection of our true self but again, it’s easier to project it than to own it and deal with it. 

It’s called “responsibility.” 

How many of us take responsibility? For our choices? Decisions? Behaviors? 

Taking responsibility, owning our life, means being an adult and not thinking and acting anymore through the prism of our inner child. Even though, our inner child will be always part of us, he / she won’t lead anymore and that can be life-changing. 

Finally, no more inner conflicts between our inner child and inner adult. Finally, some inner peace within our body, mind and spirit. 

Doesn’t it feel good? 

To be aligned. 

To feel solid. 

To trust the support of our primary foundation (= family). 

To feel and be loved. 

To be at peace. 

And, don’t get me wrong, it does not apply that ‘downs’ are out of our life. It just signifies that we will be more inclined to deal with whatever will punctuate our path of life. 

No matter what we do with our life, it’s not for others at first. It’s for us. 


Does it feel good? 

Does it feel in agreement with what you need at that moment? 

Does it make you feel happy? 

Do you enjoy it? 


If it’s four big YES’s, so just go! Do it! And, I can guarantee you that the rest will follow. Of course, your entourage might not get the point of doing it but who cares because it’s for you. That does not mean they will stop seeing you, loving you and so on. And, if really one of them or a few of them stop hanging out with you, well it’s just part of Life, too. Accepting that we will all grow and so all change and sometimes our roads will separate but you can still keep in mind the good memories. 

So, do it for your own joy. 

Expand for your own joy. 

Love for your own joy. 

Smile for your own joy. 

Dance for your own joy. 

Blossom for your own joy. 

Marine Sélénée